Definition: (n.) continuing to do what you’ve always done and expecting different results
Do any of these scenarios sound like anyone you know?
Gentlemen, I hold the key to your dating dilemmas. I’m here to help you navigate the female mind and its complex agenda. Never before has there been a collected women tell all like this. In the chapters ahead we will highlight and dissect the six most common—and puzzling—relationship games that women play and good guys too often fall victim. And the funny thing is how many times men actually go out of their way to attract the very thing they swore they’d never fall for again.
And once you know what—or rather who—to avoid, I’m going to help you get out of your own way and win the heart of a good woman.
No doubt this revealing book will make you laugh (and perhaps wince a bit), but my goal is simple. I want to help good guys win! Frankly, all the women who graciously shared their insight and experiences are fed up with seeing good men like you—quality fathers, hardworking, loyal, and totally loveable men—go to waste chasing the same disasters over and over. We’re tired of seeing you blind to real love that is just across the room. Until now we’ve been watching all the stupidity unfold from a distance and checking you off our list.
Imagine walking into a bar or party, hoping to meet someone. Two lovely candidates spy you from across the room and unbeknownst to you they start talking and watching your every move:
Your prospects are looking good! But then in walks Double D (Damsel in Distress with silicone breasts). She is completely Ms. Wrong yet you can’t resist checking her out, oblivious to anyone watching. Yes, we women watch this habit. Fair or not, our reaction is swift:
Trust me boys I’ve seen this happen at every single social event I attended. But I’m here to help. Prepare to have your mind blown once I’ve exposed all the common female plays, offered tips, and granted insider advice.
But first let me back up a second.
I became a dating “expert” by accident.
Seven years after ending a fifteen-year marriage I was done with playing and ready to give loving another try. I checked out the popular Internet dating sites but found the process too survey-like and impersonal. I believe nothing beats a face-to-face connection, so via meetup.com I started what became one of the largest “meet in real life” singles group in Southern California.
Like most single women over forty, I had bought into “there are no good men out there.” I soon realized we women had it all wrong. Yes, the minefield of game playing, bad boys is fully armed. But there are a lot of really great men out there. Men with sincere hearts who have a lot to offer the right woman if they could just find her. But they were too busy making terrible decisions. I was blown away by how often—and easily—interesting, talented, hot, otherwise smart, sincere, kind-hearted men will fall for the obvious woman-traps.
So I started asking everyone willing to offer an opinion: why do these good men so often end up with game playing bitches who inevitably break their hearts?
The answer was eye-opening.
Because men, especially newly single men (I’m talking about the recently separated/divorced/widowed), for the most part are clueless when it comes to the dating strategies and games single women play.
Finding love is an active sport of players, often confusing—or even conflicting—rules, and hopefully a shared endgame. For the most part, women have a much better handle on the games men play. We freely share our victories and cautionary tales. But the men present were outnumbered and generally outfoxed.
Over time I became very close friends with many of the men in my group. They opened up to me, sharing examples of their frustration or confusion in the pursuit of love. Soon enough these good guys started calling me regularly for relationship advice. I always told the truth from a female point of view. Sometimes it hurt them, sometimes we laughed, but always they walked away feeling better about themselves and a little bit wiser.
One night it all clicked.
Nice guys can’t tell when women are into them or playing them.
They need their own guide—a revolution.
The Playbook was born.
Newly inspired, I set out and interviewed hundreds of single men and women. And I recorded all the gory details. I started sharing and comparing scenarios with friends, blogging, surveying dating sites members, holding focus group discussions, and ultimately exposing the five basic stereotypical woman-traps to avoid.
To say it struck a chord is an understatement. Every focus group, survey, and email sparked even more commentary from both sides of the aisle, further reinforcing my commitment.
The Playbook is written to enlighten men. To expose the games some women play. To reveal the truth and nothing but the truth about dating from the first contact to the “Big O.” The stories and confessions are all told by single adult men and women with only the names and some details modified to protect identities.
This essential women-tell-all not only discloses the games women play (and how to outmaneuver them), it offers practical advice from real women on how to truly capture the heart of a good woman. Men will know how to ask the right questions and be able to quickly identify any red flags. He will improve his game and increase the odds of finding “Ms. Right.”
This knowledge gives power.
This knowledge saves time.
This knowledge saves money.
And when applied, this knowledge can protect you from a broken heart.
Now some of the women in my focus groups did not like me giving away all the in-house secrets. Maybe a few too closely self-identified with some of the female stereotypes I expose and thus didn’t like me spilling the beans so to speak. But the contents of this book will make it a more even playing field, which, in my opinion, is good for all.
Rest assured, there’s no psychobabble or counselor-speak ahead. I am not a psychologist, marriage counselor, or a PhD. I am simply a SWF with more mating and dating experience than I care to admit. But more importantly I’m an avid observer and a truth teller with all the female insight you need to hear.
Boys, we’re keeping it real.
But before we begin, we need to talk.
Are you happy in your current relationship(s)?
Are you not looking for romance and, dare I say it, love?
If you are truly happy as a bachelor, continue to do what you’ve always done.
However, if you recognize yourself in any of these scenarios and that upsets you, let’s reconsider your choices.
Are you tired of one-night stands?
Experienced a chain of three- to six-month relationships that lead nowhere?
Perhaps you haven’t been laid in years.
Have you been taken for a financial ride more than once?
If so, are you ready to find out why?
This is our playbook, gentlemen. I’m going to expose the other team’s plays and give you all the defensive and offensive maneuvers necessary to win. Never again will you be outplayed, left standing in the rain to wonder, WTF just happened? Or How did I get myself into this. . . again? Or What’s a nice guy gotta do to make a real connection?
WARNING: paradigm shift ahead!
Try to follow these useful tips for getting the most out of this book:
Go ahead. Like any other playbook, this is your guide. Write in it, highlight it, dog-ear the pages that particularly speak to you for easy reference.
Keep the book handy
From the moment you begin, the Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon will kick
in. That’s the phenomenon where one happens upon some obscure piece of information—often an unfamiliar thought or idea—and soon afterwards encounters the same subject again, often repeatedly. Ever go shopping for a new car and suddenly all you see are cars like the one you considering everywhere? Get ready to see all the games being played out that you never saw before. Pay attention. Watch and learn.
Talk about it
I know that relationship talk may not be acceptable with most of your buddies. But do talk to women that have your best interest at heart: your mother, sisters, even grandmothers or in-laws. Just be sure they are platonic women you have absolutely no romantic interest in whatsoever.
I repeat, do not discuss with women you’d like to date
This book would not be a smart thing to talk about on a first date. I mean, come on. If your favorite sports team magically got hold of the competitor’s playbook just before the biggest game of the year, would you run and tell the other team? HELL NO!
After a date or romantic encounter, take a moment to review the event, including all conversations. See if you can begin to see the signs. Make a point to do this as soon as possible after every date while conversations are fresh in your mind.
Memorize each chapter’s take away advice
It’s easy to miss the signs if alcohol and distracting music are involved. But if you commit to memory each chapter’s bite-sized take away you’ll be far better equipped in the heat of the moment.
With that said, gentleman, let’s begin with the #1 game run on good men—the gold digger.